I am not the girl that got away. I am not the lost girl. I am not the sad girl. I am not the crazy girl. I am not the little girl. I am not the forgotten girl. I am not the perfect girl. I am not the pretty girl. I am not the silly girl. And I sure as hell am not your girl. None of me is defined by you.
The bell curve is the worst thing to happen to the world ever.
Hyperbole aside, I am so sick to death of people grading on a curve. This has been ingrained in me since I was a child. If I came home with an inadequate grade and tried to tell my father how the rest of the class did poorly, or worse than I did, it would only increase his disappointment. How the fuck are you supposed to have a sense of self if you are constantly comparing and judging yourself based on others?
Now, I don’t mean this in some new age-y, hippy, be content with yourself on your own terms bullshit. I mean, that grading on a curve is the laziest, most cowardly, cop out, ever. Because you know what? The great majority of people SUCK. By comparing yourself to the lowest common denominator, you lower yourself to it.
AKA… No, you can not be a bitch because you are slightly less bitchy than everyone else is. You can not cheat on your boyfriend THAT YOU CHOSE TO TAKE BACK because he cheated on you with one of your friends.
Stop deeming your actions acceptable based solely on the ‘fact’ that they are better than the actions of others.
Now, here is the real kicker. Once you have a sense of self, independent of your feelings on other people, STOP GRADING THEM ON A CURVE TOO.
Why on earth would you date someone based solely on the fact that they are better than your shitty ex? Why would you excuse bad behaviour in a friend because you’ve seen worse?
Better is not the same as good.
“You want me to be a tragic backdrop so that you can appear to be illuminated, so that people can say ‘Wow, isn’t he so terribly brave to love a girl who is so obviously sad?’ You think I’ll be the dark sky so you can be the star? I’ll swallow you whole.”
― Warsan Shire
For hundreds of years, the Church was the highest point in a town. Humans sought to honour God by reaching up towards him. They built tall Churches so that God would know where to find them. Now, society doesn’t believe in God. Like any usurper, we fear the regime of olde. So, like any usurper we incite spolia. We break apart foundations to build ourselves up higher and higher. Now, we have buildings that would have made those people tremble to behold. We reach higher and higher for the triumph of humanity, not the glory of God. Now, I don’t know if you’ve heard of the Tower of Babel, but I do know this: Society had better be right about God, because if not, he knows exactly where to find us.
"You’re never truly over someone until you can give them relationship advice with no motive other than their happiness"
Some people simply have a chicer reality than our own. We have to stop telling the put together girl that there is something wrong with her. Our glorification of the awkward, our un-othering the quirky, has unintentionally othered the group who has it all figured out.